Last evening I walked into Taylor's bedroom to see the girls stuffing Littlest Pet Shop figurines into each other's shirts. Maddie told me she was going to "push them out" and then proceeded to grunt and groan like a woman giving birth. These pictures are from this morning, however, because I caught them playing this game again.

Really people, I only have three movies that have scenes with women giving birth, and I don't watch them that often! The good news is the girls have been playing together nicely.....

Ode to Toilet Paper

Alas dear toilet paper, you go so fast
wiping so much little potty training ass.
It seems to me that there really should be
some kind of contraption, some kind of thing
To keep tiny hands from grabbing so much
wadded up paper for one little butt.
Packages upon packages bought every week
I should grow my own forest to wipe all this cheek.

Please Don't Leave Me!

One thing I am having trouble balancing is working towards the adoption and maintaining my normal life. I have to remind myself to focus on what's going on now, not what I am going to need to do in 4 months and what might be happening in a year. The girls are starting to "rebel" at my mind being so obviously absent, and are exhibiting really frustrating behaviors. Maddie especially.
One thing I know is that I can't keep up this blog and the adoption blog at the same time, so for now I am going to be posting over there only. Everyday life mixed in with adoption stuff. I have more followers over there anyway, and it has only been live for 2 weeks! I don't want to lose the readers I have over here.

www.moveanymountian.blogspot.com

Happy Birthday Cameron!

Yesterday and today we are celebrating my only son's 10th birthday. Love and laughter abounds. Cameron started off his birthday by waking up at 4am this morning to have some "man time" with Corey. They set off fishing while the rest of us slept until 7. After blueberry pancakes and sausage, he spent the rest of the morning shooting Nerf darts at his sisters. This afternoon we will grill some ribs. This is the gaggle of giggling children last night, eating ice cream cones.

We love us some ice cream around here. We should buy stock in Dryers. Or Bryers. Or whatever is on sale each week.

And no, I don't feel bad about that. There is some redeeming nutritional value in ice cream. Besides, as I sit here at the kitchen table typing this, Maddie sits next to me eating a fresh raw tomato like an apple.

I pulled another tooth last night, this time one of Brittany's molars. I really think I have earned my dental degree by now. And, the tooth fairy needs to get a second job if this keeps up!

Happy Birthday my sweet son. You hold a special place in my heart as my only son, I hope you know that. No matter what the future may hold, our love for you can only grow. As a matter of fact, that may not even be possible. That's how much we love you!

Do You Hear That?

Do you hear that sound? It's the winds of change. I'll be cheesy now and borrow the lyrics from an absolute favorite song of mine sung by Scorpion many years ago.

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In a wind of change

There is change coming in our lives.
And we couldn't be happier.
I pray that the people in our lives realize that this change, while colossal, is but a blessing. I pray that God softens your hearts, like he has mine, so that you can know we are doing this out of love, and you will realize too that we are taking these steps not to take something away from our children, but rather to give something back. To spread love beyond the 4 walls of our house.
With our eyes wide open.

Please join in us watching Dateline on Sunday night 7pm/6 central, "Who is the boy from baby house 10?". This episode shows the horrors that children in Russia who have been abandoned by their parents into orphanages, called baby houses, endure until they are adopted. If they are not adopted by age 4, they are transferred into adult mental institutions, to live out their lives in misery. Neglected, unloved, and even tied to cribs and beds. This is actually the second time NBC has shown this type of story, the first time was about mental institutions in Serbia(conditions are the same throughout Eastern Europe). It was very disturbing. I imagine this episode will be too.


And that brings to mind another song "Cause I gotta have faith faith faith"! (a little George Michael, anyone?)

Silliness and Other Stuff

First, the silliness. Boxes. My girls sure love boxes. They are more fun than any toy in any Target in the country.

This morning, I am feeling peaceful for the first time in weeks. Actually, it started last night. This strange peace just washed over me, and for once I was able to sleep fall asleep quickly and rest well. My brain had actully been hurting from all of the thinking and planning and questioning and doubting, so sleep has eluded me every night as my thoughts swirled relentlessly around in my head. But last night? Peace. And joy. And hope. Sometimes you have to just step out in faith, and trust that if God is calling you to do something, He will provide the means. He will make it happen. Because when it's all said and done, if He wants me to do something, then it is His responsibility to overcome all the obstacles. I'll admit, when I've been told in the past that God will provide, he will make everything work out, I have scoffed. Ha! I said. What is he going to do? Put cash in my mailbox? Remove doubtful people from my path? Well, according to the online support group I have joined, that's pretty much what he does! (If, If, If what you are doing is really his will for your life.) I can only say He has been working on me in the last 3 months. Softening, molding, changing my heart. We are very blessed. And now it's time to give those blessings back. Share them. And step out in faith. For those of you whom I know in real life, you may not agree, you may think we are out of our minds, but all we need from you is this. "We love you, we support you, and we believe in you, trust that you will do what you feel is right. We are here for you."

Who is that tapping me on the shoulder?

Many times in my life I have felt like I should be doing more with my life. But, and this is a big "but", the more has always been for myself. Meaning I should be working harder, at a better job, or go back to school and finish my degree, or cleaning my house more or socializing more or going to churh more often. So the feeling that I should be doing more is not foreign to me. However, lately I have been feeling a little lost, a little pointless. What is the purpose of my life? What is God's purpose for my life? I feel like there is something I should be doing. Something to serve Him and glorify Him. And I don't know what it is, so for the first time in my life I have been praying for God to show me, to tell me, what He wants me to be doing with my life. I have been prayerfully asking Him to please show me what my purpose for Him is, not for myself or my family. I don't really know how to explain it. If you go and visit Patrice, she says what I am feeling in a much clearer and more eloquent way. I feel a stirring in my heart, which may or may not be God starting to tell me something I can do to serve Him. It's not something I am really ready to acknowledge out loud. I fell upon this one blog, and have been reading it faithfully, and searching out other blogs with similar stories and following these women's journeys. I'm feeling pulled in this direction, but it is scary. I'm not even sure that this is God tapping me on the shoulder or what, since if I'm being honest I have never really felt "called" to do something for God or even felt like I should be serving God in a bigger way. I apologize for all this rambling this early Saturday morning, but these past few weeks of Corey working practically nonstop (for which I am thankful, not complaining) has brought me a lot of time with my own thoughts. Those of you with true experience being called by God to do something, how do you know it is Him tapping you on the shoulder and not just your own mind wanting something that another person has?

The scene: Taylor and Maddie are at the table, snacking on some chips (yes, I let them snack on junk food but only after they have had fruit. I whole-heartedly believe that bribery has it's place in the job of parenting). Overheard: "Mommy is my best friend." (Taylor speaking to Maddie) Beautiful to hear, but finite I know. My 12 year old doesn't hate me yet, so parents of teenagers out there tell me at what age can I expect it to start?

I have removed the huge picture at the top of the page in the hopes that my grandparents can once again access the blog. A picture that big takes too long to load, and some computers/internet connections can't handle it at all. I realize that the blog looks rather plain now, but this is too important to worry about such trivialities.

Grandma...please let me know if you can see the posts now.

Sometimes I Wonder...

~If I am always going to have to choose between financial survival and being basically a single mom or having my husband home with us in the evenings and on weekends and not being able to pay our bills.

~If prayer really makes a difference. I mean, if everthing is preordained and God already knows everything that is going to happen, what is the point of praying for someone to not have cancer? Or for that person with cancer to be healed? Or really for anything not to happen in general?

~If other stay at home moms who spend much of their time alone (husband at work) struggle during the dinner-to-bath-to-bedtime routine like I do? I'm fine all day and then bam! When the time of day comes that he usually comes home and he doesn't, I fall apart.

~If other mothers despise Playdoh as much as I do. My kids love it, but jeez cleaning it up sucks. Especially if you have all the little tools and stuff that turns the big balls of Playdoh into tiny little pieces, spread from here to kingdom come.

~What I am going to do with myself when my kids are grown. Oh wait...I don't wonder about that at all. I know. I am going to have a life!

The time has come to say goodbye to the crib. It is not one that converts to a toddler bed, like we had thought (we bought it brand new, why did we think this when it wasn't stated on the box?). Since Maddie climbs out, we leave the rail down so she has less distance to fall and place 4 bed pillows stacked in twos right on the floor. Aren't I a great mom? So safe, so conscientious. There should be awards for mothers like me. Soooooo, we will find her a new bed. With Taylor we went straight from the crib to a twin. I'm not big on the toddler bed, seems silly to buy a bed only to have to buy another one in a year.
Also, does anyone know (you--I'm talking to you, my four readers out there) if there is a childproof cover for light switches? Maddie will not stop climbing out of bed and turning the light on at bedtime, so we have had to use black electrical tape and tape the switch down. We pray, we read, then she gets a few minutes of lights-on time to read on her own, then we have last potty, then the lights go off while I sing her like 10 songs. But, she keeps getting up after lights out and turning them back on. The electrical tape works, but I have to use a lot to keep her from being able to just pull it off, and we can't go on like this using 1/4 roll of tape every night. Hints?

The worst part of checking your credit report? You find old medical accounts that you didn't know were on there and then pay them.

The best part of checking your credit report? You find old medical accounts that you didn't know were on there and then pay them.

The Biggest Gap Ever

Taylor lost her first tooth today. It was barely wiggleable (wiggable? wiggly?) for months, and then suddenly yesterday it was extremely loose. This afternoon she was complaining that it was hurting, so I told her I needed to pull it. Needless to say, she was not quick to jump on that bandwagon. After explaining to her that if she wouldn't let me pull it, then she couldn't complain to me that it hurt, she gave me the go ahead. You should have seen her face! Although who was more nervous, her or I, is anybody's guess. (I didn't show it, though, I had to act sure and confident and tell her that it is completely normal for her mother to grab ahold of her tooth with a piece of toilet paper and rip it from her mouth.) After slipping off the tooth twice, I managed to yank that puppy with no tears from either of us! And here she is....

It must be the biggest gap ever from just one missing tooth.

I told her she looks like a pirate. Captain Taylor Sparrow.

The Tooth Sisters

Spring Break then....



Spring Break now...

Leave it to Taylor to dip grilled scallops in ranch dressing.

Old

I'm wearing one of my few pairs of designer jeans. They are some skinny slouchy "Lucky's" that my husband bought me a couple of years ago. They are lightly distressed, a few strategically placed worn out spots.

Taylor says to me: "Why you got holes?" (ok, we need to work on grammer)
I say to her: "Because it's cool."
She responds: "But it's not cool. How do you think it's cool?"

Huh. Aren't they supposed to be teenagers before they start to question your definition of "cool"?

Taylor, yesterday morning at about 8 am, from the bathroom:

"Mommy, it is so great to be alive!"



Taylor is one super balloon-blower-upper.

I warned her that it was going to pop. What is that look on her face...is that disbelief? No way...

It popped, of course. Cue much broken-hearted crying. Sigh. I hate knowing everything.

Random Ramblings

* Fear. It's alive and well. Actually, not quite fear yet. Anxiety. Nervousness. See, they have been cutting hours for technicians at Corey's company. There's just not enough work right now. Until today, he has escaped unscathed. He's actually had quite a bit of overtime the past few weeks. This morning, they told him to come in an hour late. This afternoon, they told him he has tomorrow "off". This could pass, or this could be only the beginning of a disasterous decline. It's scary, though. The worst part of being a SAHM? The helplessness. The dependency. The inability to bring in some money to help alleviate some of the stress on your husband. (BTW, I am very open to keeping a working mother's child for extra income, I just have to find the child!)

* Maddie was on the toilet and asked me why I have lines on my knees. I told her they were wrinkles and I have them because I am old. She reached for my knees from her sitting position on the toilet and said "I will rub them out."

* Maddie said at dinner "thank you for this meal" again, only this time I admit I only served hot dogs. Hmm. I cook that bad?

* I admit that I am only watching American Idol this season so I can see Steven Tyler.

* I love 5. Taylor is 90% wanting to please me and make me happy, and only 10% naughty. You can't ask for more than that.

* My husband rocks. Seriously.

* The songs I have to sing to Maddie before she will go to sleep at night are Jingle Bells, Silent Night, a long-added-on-to-version of The Barney Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.

* Every night after I finish singing and leave the room, Maddie starts forcing out coughs and calling "Mommy I'm siiiiiicccckkk." "No, you are not." Cue more forced coughing, and around and around we go.

* I'm well aware that this new blog design is ugly. The previous one stopped loading, so I had to set up a new one, and I can't get it right. I finally got so frustrated that I just threw this up (literally. ha.) and will fix it when I feel like trying again.

Last night right after we sat down for dinner and prayed, and I filled Maddie's tray with another home cooked meal, she said this:

"Thank you for making this dinner Mama."

Awww, it was so sweet in her little voice 2 year old voice. Sometimes, a little appreciation goes a long way towards reminding you why you work so hard as a mom. Brittany and Cameron are do such a good job of this, expressing their appreciation and telling me thank you. This is the first time Maddie has said anything like this, and unprompted at that.

(brag alert: no, I did not translate that. She said it exactly like that, in a complete and clear sentence.)

Check and Check

I checked two things off of my to-do list, and I feel relieved. I have said before that we don't live in the best neighborhood right now, so naturally I have been concerned about the quality of the elementary school that Taylor would be attending this August. I am ecstatic to report that we will not have to move!
(Actually, I want to move. To a better place. But it is not in our immediate financial future to afford a better place, though I was fully planning to make it work somehow if the school sucked.)
Actually what I am happy to report is that the school is awesome! It is new and also was named an "Exemplary" School for 2008-2009 and 2009-2010. She and I have been talking about Kindergarten a lot lately, and we are both excited.
Also, I found out that Taylor can receive some help with her speech issues through the school district starting at age 3 (thanks, Mom!). She does not have to wait until she starts kindergarten. I have an appointment in April (good thing I called now, because that's how far off the first available date was) to have her tested by the special ed department, and they will determine what kind of help she needs and how to help her. I am happy to finally be making progress on getting Taylor what she needs.