From www.boardofwisdom.com

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
*My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE-"If you're going to kill each other do it outside-I just finished cleaning."
*My mother taught me RELIGION-"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
*My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL-"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to kick you into the middle of next week."
*My mother taught me LOGIC-"Because I said so, that's why."
*My mother taught me FORESIGHT-"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case your in an accident."
*My mother taught me IRONY-"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
*My mother taught me OSMOSIS-"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
*My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM-"Will you look at the dirt on the back on your neck!"
*My mother taught me STAMINA-"You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished."
*My mother taught me about WEATHER-"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
*My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS-"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you; would you then listen."
*My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY-"If I've told you once I've told you a million times-Don't Exaggerate!!!"
*My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE-" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
*My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION-"Stop acting like your father."
*My mother taught me about ENVY-"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
THANKS, MUM!
- unknown