Saturday, April 2, 2011
Who is that tapping me on the shoulder?
Many times in my life I have felt like I should be doing more with my life. But, and this is a big "but", the more has always been for myself. Meaning I should be working harder, at a better job, or go back to school and finish my degree, or cleaning my house more or socializing more or going to churh more often. So the feeling that I should be doing more is not foreign to me. However, lately I have been feeling a little lost, a little pointless. What is the purpose of my life? What is God's purpose for my life? I feel like there is something I should be doing. Something to serve Him and glorify Him. And I don't know what it is, so for the first time in my life I have been praying for God to show me, to tell me, what He wants me to be doing with my life. I have been prayerfully asking Him to please show me what my purpose for Him is, not for myself or my family. I don't really know how to explain it. If you go and visit Patrice, she says what I am feeling in a much clearer and more eloquent way. I feel a stirring in my heart, which may or may not be God starting to tell me something I can do to serve Him. It's not something I am really ready to acknowledge out loud. I fell upon this one blog, and have been reading it faithfully, and searching out other blogs with similar stories and following these women's journeys. I'm feeling pulled in this direction, but it is scary. I'm not even sure that this is God tapping me on the shoulder or what, since if I'm being honest I have never really felt "called" to do something for God or even felt like I should be serving God in a bigger way. I apologize for all this rambling this early Saturday morning, but these past few weeks of Corey working practically nonstop (for which I am thankful, not complaining) has brought me a lot of time with my own thoughts. Those of you with true experience being called by God to do something, how do you know it is Him tapping you on the shoulder and not just your own mind wanting something that another person has?
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I think if you have to ask, it's probably God. :)
ReplyDeleteI think what you share is beautiful, Elizabeth. And the uncertainty that comes with anything like that is part (if not all) of the journey. (in my opinion, of course) That's what makes it faith, right? Mom and I are always praying over you guys.... as I'm sure so many others are. Take comfort in knowing you're loved and constantly lifted up. And know that you don't have to be right, you don't have to know all the answers (you don't have to know any of the answers)..and it’s totally normal to be scared and uncomfortable….you just ask Him to show you that first step, and lead you through that door…. In my opinion, He’ll also line it with blessings. And don’t worry if you “miss it”… He knows your heart. He’ll get ya there. Trust. Believe. And just tell Him that you love Him.
I’m excited to see what he has in store for you, girlie.
Love ya.
Thank you, Kylie, for your support. I almost want to tell you what is going on to see if you still support me. Ha! And I have been praying...a lot...a whole lot...for God to tell me if I'm just crazy or if this is really what He wants me to do. I mean, I need Him to actually show me. Or say something...out loud. I want to do something important. If there's one thing I have learned, it is that life is too short. I have fiddled away all these years and I want to make a difference.
ReplyDeleteDearest Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteThis may sound corny but you are making a difference, and may I say a BIG difference.
You are there for your 4 children, nothing and may I repeat nothing is more important than the love that you pour into your family. As I have gotten older, it's not so much about what I have or haven't done but about relationships, loving and caring for and about people. I say this because what you have been doing is truly important, not to discount what else you feel God may be leading you to do. Also Kylie and I believe if God is leading you have to take a step in the direction you feel he's leading. I love you and pray God will make His will for you clear and give you peace. And I have to admit there have been those wish I had done or at least tried that moments too.
Love you a lot.
Elizabeth - I welcome any conversation about what you're feeling. I certianly cannot promise to have any answers, but I love you and I would love to be a person you could talk to about such things. They're big and heavy and scary and great... and sometimes all together uncertian... and I firmly believe that God put us on this earth to help support, encourage, and just love one another. :) I am ALWAYS here for you. Love ya.
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