Please Don't Leave Me!

One thing I am having trouble balancing is working towards the adoption and maintaining my normal life. I have to remind myself to focus on what's going on now, not what I am going to need to do in 4 months and what might be happening in a year. The girls are starting to "rebel" at my mind being so obviously absent, and are exhibiting really frustrating behaviors. Maddie especially.
One thing I know is that I can't keep up this blog and the adoption blog at the same time, so for now I am going to be posting over there only. Everyday life mixed in with adoption stuff. I have more followers over there anyway, and it has only been live for 2 weeks! I don't want to lose the readers I have over here.

www.moveanymountian.blogspot.com

Happy Birthday Cameron!

Yesterday and today we are celebrating my only son's 10th birthday. Love and laughter abounds. Cameron started off his birthday by waking up at 4am this morning to have some "man time" with Corey. They set off fishing while the rest of us slept until 7. After blueberry pancakes and sausage, he spent the rest of the morning shooting Nerf darts at his sisters. This afternoon we will grill some ribs. This is the gaggle of giggling children last night, eating ice cream cones.

We love us some ice cream around here. We should buy stock in Dryers. Or Bryers. Or whatever is on sale each week.

And no, I don't feel bad about that. There is some redeeming nutritional value in ice cream. Besides, as I sit here at the kitchen table typing this, Maddie sits next to me eating a fresh raw tomato like an apple.

I pulled another tooth last night, this time one of Brittany's molars. I really think I have earned my dental degree by now. And, the tooth fairy needs to get a second job if this keeps up!

Happy Birthday my sweet son. You hold a special place in my heart as my only son, I hope you know that. No matter what the future may hold, our love for you can only grow. As a matter of fact, that may not even be possible. That's how much we love you!

Do You Hear That?

Do you hear that sound? It's the winds of change. I'll be cheesy now and borrow the lyrics from an absolute favorite song of mine sung by Scorpion many years ago.

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In a wind of change

There is change coming in our lives.
And we couldn't be happier.
I pray that the people in our lives realize that this change, while colossal, is but a blessing. I pray that God softens your hearts, like he has mine, so that you can know we are doing this out of love, and you will realize too that we are taking these steps not to take something away from our children, but rather to give something back. To spread love beyond the 4 walls of our house.
With our eyes wide open.

Please join in us watching Dateline on Sunday night 7pm/6 central, "Who is the boy from baby house 10?". This episode shows the horrors that children in Russia who have been abandoned by their parents into orphanages, called baby houses, endure until they are adopted. If they are not adopted by age 4, they are transferred into adult mental institutions, to live out their lives in misery. Neglected, unloved, and even tied to cribs and beds. This is actually the second time NBC has shown this type of story, the first time was about mental institutions in Serbia(conditions are the same throughout Eastern Europe). It was very disturbing. I imagine this episode will be too.


And that brings to mind another song "Cause I gotta have faith faith faith"! (a little George Michael, anyone?)

Silliness and Other Stuff

First, the silliness. Boxes. My girls sure love boxes. They are more fun than any toy in any Target in the country.

This morning, I am feeling peaceful for the first time in weeks. Actually, it started last night. This strange peace just washed over me, and for once I was able to sleep fall asleep quickly and rest well. My brain had actully been hurting from all of the thinking and planning and questioning and doubting, so sleep has eluded me every night as my thoughts swirled relentlessly around in my head. But last night? Peace. And joy. And hope. Sometimes you have to just step out in faith, and trust that if God is calling you to do something, He will provide the means. He will make it happen. Because when it's all said and done, if He wants me to do something, then it is His responsibility to overcome all the obstacles. I'll admit, when I've been told in the past that God will provide, he will make everything work out, I have scoffed. Ha! I said. What is he going to do? Put cash in my mailbox? Remove doubtful people from my path? Well, according to the online support group I have joined, that's pretty much what he does! (If, If, If what you are doing is really his will for your life.) I can only say He has been working on me in the last 3 months. Softening, molding, changing my heart. We are very blessed. And now it's time to give those blessings back. Share them. And step out in faith. For those of you whom I know in real life, you may not agree, you may think we are out of our minds, but all we need from you is this. "We love you, we support you, and we believe in you, trust that you will do what you feel is right. We are here for you."

Who is that tapping me on the shoulder?

Many times in my life I have felt like I should be doing more with my life. But, and this is a big "but", the more has always been for myself. Meaning I should be working harder, at a better job, or go back to school and finish my degree, or cleaning my house more or socializing more or going to churh more often. So the feeling that I should be doing more is not foreign to me. However, lately I have been feeling a little lost, a little pointless. What is the purpose of my life? What is God's purpose for my life? I feel like there is something I should be doing. Something to serve Him and glorify Him. And I don't know what it is, so for the first time in my life I have been praying for God to show me, to tell me, what He wants me to be doing with my life. I have been prayerfully asking Him to please show me what my purpose for Him is, not for myself or my family. I don't really know how to explain it. If you go and visit Patrice, she says what I am feeling in a much clearer and more eloquent way. I feel a stirring in my heart, which may or may not be God starting to tell me something I can do to serve Him. It's not something I am really ready to acknowledge out loud. I fell upon this one blog, and have been reading it faithfully, and searching out other blogs with similar stories and following these women's journeys. I'm feeling pulled in this direction, but it is scary. I'm not even sure that this is God tapping me on the shoulder or what, since if I'm being honest I have never really felt "called" to do something for God or even felt like I should be serving God in a bigger way. I apologize for all this rambling this early Saturday morning, but these past few weeks of Corey working practically nonstop (for which I am thankful, not complaining) has brought me a lot of time with my own thoughts. Those of you with true experience being called by God to do something, how do you know it is Him tapping you on the shoulder and not just your own mind wanting something that another person has?